Know Your Code
By: C.J. Cantwell

facebooktwitterreddit

Erlich Bachman sits before me in a disheveled suit. His eyes are tired. He reeks of marijuana smoke, sweat and a hint of ramen. Bachman has invested in many startups over the years, and he finally had a winner with hot compression play Pied Piper. The scrappy startup recently released the most-talked-about beta the Valley’s had in years, and its official launch has set off a whirlwind of press and notoriety. All signs point to Pied Piper being the next Dropbox, Facebook and Uber combined. But just before this launch—after the successful beta, the moment when the company was poised to skyrocket in value—Erlich Bachman walked away.

What would cause a man to give up on his golden goose? In Bachman’s case, idiocy and personal bankruptcy. Bachman’s idiocy is well-established. Beyond investing in such non-starters as Nip Alert and Smokation (rumored to be pedophile-oriented, making both of his most well known investments not just stupid, but also perverted), Bachman’s history of selling startups dates back to his very first company: Aviato. Before Frontiers Airlines bought the company, the possibilities were endless. Now Aviato will never fly higher than Frontiers’ fleet of airbuses. All because, as Bachman tells me, “My head is so far up my ass I can see the future.” The silver lining of the Aviato sale was that it allowed Bachman to run his incubator, where tech genius Richard Hendricks founded Pied Piper. It would seem Bachman’s endless stream of dumb, perverted apps was finally at its end, but his story wasn’t over.

Bachman recently founded venture capital firm Bachmanity Capital with tech icon (soon to be legend, I’m sure) Nelson “Big Head” Bighetti, and the pair hosted a lavish launch event, aptly titled “Bachmanity Insanity.” The party, like Bachman, was loud, extravagant and a bit of a farce. It was a luau. At Alcatraz. One for which Bachman chose to pay for all liquor at retail cost, and one where he lost a giant fiberglass Tiki head at the bottom of the bay. The expenses for fire dancers, flair bartenders and exotic caterers totaled over $1 million. Bachman maintains these were “practical costs for any groundbreaking business.”

It turns out Bachman should have checked the books before hosting a million-dollar soiree. Under his direction, Bachmanity was structured such that his and Bighetti’s finances were intertwined. When Bighetti lost his money to an allegedly corrupt business manager, Bachman was on the hook for all of the party’s debts. Debts which of course, he created. He needed cash, and he needed it fast.

“I thought, all my ideas are shit, why would Pied Piper be any different? I need money now, motherfuckers.” So Bachman began whoring out his wares as fast as he could peddle them. “I was like Steve Jobs trying to sell the NeXt, at my lowest but primed to re-overtake the tech world.” Erlich swallows hard, a tear almost leaking out his eye. “Now I’m Ronald Wayne.” Ronald Wayne sold his stake in Apple for $800 dollars.

Bachman ultimately sold to the highest bidder, Raviga Partners, who got Bachman’s stock at a clearance-sale price. “They got a fucking deal off my desperate ass.” Bachmanity burned too bright, like the custom lighting at its luau and, like that lighting, the bulb burned out. This is why Bachman was disgraced and taken off the Pied Piper board. He took what was the chance of a lifetime and threw it at the cost of giant Tiki heads. “I wish that I could say that the tech is crap and I finally saw it for what it was, but…I am crap. The world is going to suck Pied Piper’s dick, and I’ll be the whore left with a face mask of seminal fluid.”

9,449 Comments

  • Greate post. Keep posting such kind of information on your site.

    Im really impressed by your site.
    Hey there, You have performed a great job. I’ll definitely digg it and in my opinion recommend to my friends.

    I’m sure they will be benefited from this website.

  • minecraft says:

    I know this web site gives quality dependent articles and
    additional information, is there any other site which gives these things in quality?

  • If you’d like to take your vacations to fresh heights, appear
    no longer than Tanzania to get a once-in-a-lifetime trip to climb
    Mt. Kilimanjaro over several nights of climbing and walking.

  • Diamonds says:

    I have been exploring for a little bit for any high quality articles or blog posts in this sort of area .
    Exploring in Yahoo I ultimately stumbled upon this site.
    Studying this information So i am satisfied to show that I’ve an incredibly
    just right uncanny feeling I discovered exactly what I needed.
    I such a lot undoubtedly will make certain to do not
    forget this web site and give it a look on a relentless basis.

  • Sorry for the huge review, but I’m really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it’s the right choice for you.

  • It’s wonderful that you are getting thoughts from this article as well as from our dialogue made at this place.

  • Aw, this was an extremely good post. Taking the time and actual effort to create
    a great article… but what can I say… I put things off a lot and
    don’t manage to get nearly anything done.

  • minecraft says:

    This article presents clear idea for the new visitors of blogging,
    that really how to do blogging and site-building.

  • ig says:

    whoah this blog is fantastic i really like
    studying your posts. Keep up the great work! You recognize, lots of persons
    are looking around for this information, you can help them
    greatly.

  • Hey there! I’ve been following your site for some time now and finally got tthe coutage
    to go ahead and give you a shout out from Porter Texas!
    Just waanted to tell you keep up the fantastic work!

  • KennethKig says:

    [url=http://viagra-withoutdoctorprescriptions.org]buy viagra[/url] [url=http://anafranil-cost.in.net]buy viagra[/url] [url=http://anafranil-anxiety.in.net]buy viagra[/url] [url=http://genericviagrasl.com]buy viagra[/url]

  • minecraft says:

    Hi there! This article could not be written any better!
    Reading through this article reminds me of my previous roommate!
    He continually kept preaching about this. I’ll forward this article to him.
    Pretty sure he’s going to have a good read. Thank you for sharing!

  • I was wondering if you ever thought of changing the page layout of your site?
    Its very well written; I love what youve got to say.
    But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect
    with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having 1 or two images.
    Maybe you could space it out better?

  • You’re soo interesting! I don’t think I’ve truly read through something
    like that before. So nice to find someone with unique thoughts on this subject.
    Really.. many thanks for starting this up. This webb site is something that is
    needed on the internet, someone wiith some originality!

  • What’s up to all, how is all, I think every one is getting more from this website, and your views are pleasant for new people.

  • StephenFem says:

    Интересуют меня сериалы итальянские и жажду чтобы люди рассказали про необычный фильм.
    А я могу рекомендовать глянуть фильмы список итальянских фильмов

  • Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It’s very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.

  • Highly descriptive blog, I liked that bit. Will there be a
    part 2?

  • minecraft says:

    I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was great.
    I do not know who you are but definitely you are going to a famous blogger if you are not already
    😉 Cheers!

  • fantastic publish, very informative. I wonder why
    the other experts of this sector don’t understand this.

    You must continue your writing. I’m confident, you have
    a great readers’ base already!

  • minecraft says:

    What i don’t understood is in truth how you are
    now not actually much more neatly-liked than you might
    be right now. You are very intelligent. You understand thus
    considerably in terms of this matter, made me individually believe it from so many varied angles.
    Its like men and women are not interested except it’s something to accomplish with Lady gaga!
    Your personal stuffs outstanding. Always deal with it up!

  • JamesmeelE says:

    На сайтах с небольшой конкуренцией можно выявить за час-два и поправить пару недель.

    Задачи которые я предлагаю уладить:

    -Проинспектировать как работает с сайтом ваш сегодняшнийспециалист и проверить его компетентность?
    -Найду просчеты допущенные ранее и составлю проект по внесению правок.
    -Расскажу как проверять работу SEO спеца.

    Планируете взять SEO специалиста?

    -Помогу провести собеседование потенциальногоSEO специалиста. Разберем по каким критериям оценивать его уровень.
    – Разберем различия между нанятым в штат SEO, делегированном SEO и раскрутке сайтов своими средствами.

    Решили самостоятельно продвинуть существующий сайт. Расскажу все относительно продвижения, после консультации вам станет ясно:

    -Как много будет стоить проект по созданию сайта
    -Сколько по времени требуется будет его продвигать для того чтобы добиться топов
    -Из каких именно пунктов сформировывается само по себе продвижение, схематично рассмотрим каждый из них.
    -Разберем по какой причине не надо пользоваться услугами фирм, оказывающих сервис по SEO

    Планируете создать web-сайт и начать его продвижение?

    -Расскажу а также покажу каким способом спроектировать предельно экономный и высококачественный вариант сайта.
    -До какой степени объемным или сложным может быть ваш сайт для того чтобы соперничать в топе.
    -Как много вбухивают все ваши конкуренты в продвижение.
    -в какой степени осуществимо войти в топы с вашим веб-сайтом и с вашим бюджетом.

    Есть желание узнать окупится ли консультация?

    Позвоните по телефону либо в скайп – я отвечу на абсолютно любые темы затрагивающие SEO и собственного ресурса.

    Любые вопросы – звоните +7(812)9114848 или по скайпу admin1.ru
    Часовая консультация стоит 3тыс рублей, возможно подписание договора и проплата на расчетный счет.
    Оказываю безвозмездные консультации за рекомендации (таким образом у основной массы веб-сайтов проблему видно практически сразу)

    acol7wns24

  • minecraft says:

    It’s awesome designed for me to have a website, which is good
    for my know-how. thanks admin

  • With havin so much written content do you ever run into any issues off pkagorism or copyright infringement?

    My blog has a lot of unique contnt I’ve either authored myself or outsourced but it seems a lot of it iss popping it up all over the internet withoput
    my authorization. Do you know any solutions to help protect against content from
    being stolen? I’d definitely appreciate it.

  • minecraft says:

    I every time used to read paragraph in news papers but now as
    I am a user of web thus from now I am using net for articles,
    thanks to web.

  • KEGregory says:

    Гороскоп от Камилла, на неделю с 20-26 февраля 2017 года
    В конце февраля продолжает действовать тау-квадрат Юпитер, Уран, Плутон, а это значит, что авиаперелеты остаются нежелательными. Все так же велик риск экстремизма.
    Источник: http://u.to/8f7ADw Гороскоп на неделю

  • JesseVet says:

    9870 http://buygenericrx.men discount viagra drug

  • minecraft says:

    This blog was… how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I’ve found something that helped me.
    Appreciate it!

  • Excellent article. Keep writing such kind of info on your page.
    Im really impressed by your site.
    Hi there, You have performed a fantastic job. I will
    definitely digg it and in my opinion suggest to my friends.
    I’m sure they will be benefited from this site.

  • I likewise believe thence, perfectly written post!

  • minecraft says:

    Hello there! Would you mind if I share your blog with my facebook group?
    There’s a lot of folks that I think would really appreciate your content.
    Please let me know. Cheers

  • I aall the time used to study paragraph in news papers butt now as
    I am a user of web sso from now I am using net for content, thanks to web.

  • minecraft says:

    I’ve been browsing online greater than 3 hours as of late,
    but I by no means discovered any attention-grabbing article like yours.
    It is lovely value enough for me. In my view, if all web owners and bloggers made excellent content as you probably did,
    the web will be much more helpful than ever before.

  • minecraft says:

    Pretty great post. I just stumbled upon your weblog
    and wished to mention that I’ve really loved browsing your weblog posts.
    After all I will be subscribing on your rss feed and I am
    hoping you write again soon!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *